At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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