Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
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I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
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I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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