He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
