Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
