What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
