you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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