I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
