Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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