i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma