Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.