my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?