Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.