im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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