I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
