WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
