She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
