im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
