He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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