if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
