i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Everything about him screamed your future.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
