Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You are the jesus of drinking
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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