and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
