Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
