FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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