It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
