for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
