my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
it glows. i had to have it.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
