the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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