Me. At least after what I've been through.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
