were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
