fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
COCAINE IS GR8
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
