make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
My life is pants optional.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
