I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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