It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
