And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Randomize
