You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
there is glitter all over my balls
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