you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
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