Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
