Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
