I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
