Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
