Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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