He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
