"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
