your parents love me but you hate me
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The uberlube is also flammable
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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