Can i not drive my cunt home
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize