You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
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Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
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I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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