She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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