We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
