i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
