my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
