great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
