I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
