Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This couple is walking their pig around campus
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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