and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
