you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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