That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
