he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
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Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
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My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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