If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
