I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize