when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
