I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
