I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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