then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
