You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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