youre lurking in front of me
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
