You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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