Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
